You know what I hate? The pesky little thing called confidence. I know, that sounds strange, but it's true. I love it, when I have it, but when I don't I despise the damn emotion. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has struggled with confidence or self esteem over the years, especially as a female. It's haunted me on and off. One day I'll feel confident, I'm feeling pretty, feeling like I'm doing awesome things, I'm a great mom, an author, an awesome wife, things are going good. Until I wake up the next day with a deflated ego and suddenly all the things I thought I was great at the day before are gone, and i'm left wondering why in the hell I thought those things to begin with. There's not always a catalyst to it, I think it's just kind of a normal thing, but I despise it. I'm pretty quick to pull myself out of it, it takes some serious mental pep talks, but I do it, get past it, move on. But, it just never sets right with me. And after thinking about it I realized it's not always random, there are so many people in this world that make others feel like absolute shit over pretty much anything, it drives me insane. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, I'm not always the nicest girl around but I make a concerted effort to be as nice as I can be. Because I've been there at the end of someone else's harsh words and I know how it can feel. Luckily, I have some thick skin over these things but that's not to say it doesn't mess with my head a little. However, I know not everyone is as lucky to tolerate the words people throw around, the labels, the judgements and it makes me wish I could do something about it.
I started thinking about this because I've noticed a lot of judgements coming from fellow mom's lately. I don't go out a lot and I don't have a ton of friends to hang out with believe me when i say, any time I do leave the house I have someone staring or making some sort of a comment. It's strange really because the comment that's said to me the most is "I know those twins aren't yours. You're too damn skinny to have kids that big." I don't know if they mean it as a compliment or a judgment but I've literally had to practically argue with one woman to prove that my twins came from me. Yes, those 23 lb twins are in fact mine, I birthed them, naturally with no meds mind you, and yes they are big but they are healthy, thank you very much. What's the big deal? Why does it seem like no matter what you look like, what your kids look like, what you do, say, think, someone is always there to push you down? I get it, there are much worse things in the world than to be called skinny, but that's not the point, that's not what bothers me. It's the fact that there are a line of people waiting to nit pick because I don't look the way they expect me to look or that my kids are chunky when they think they should be smaller. Why the hell is it even like that? Shouldn't we, as human beings, stick together instead of tearing each other down? In a perfect world it would be that way but I guess nothing is ever perfect.
It drives me crazy because honestly, we're all adults so there's no point for pettiness. There's one person specifically that I've encountered that has made me feel terrible for being thin like it's morally wrong or something. And not only that, but have made countless amounts of comments about my twins being the same weight as her three year old. Here's the thing, nothing is as it seems on the outside. For every person you see, and every flaw you point out, there's a back story about a mile long on the topic. Take me for example, I'm skinny now, but did you know right before I got pregnant with my twins, I had just lost 60 lbs? That's right. I had struggled with my weight on and off for a while because the medications I was on. And, when I was a kid I was stick thin, I have a super fast metabolism, but that wasn't always awesome either because I didn't always look healthy. I could show you pictures that would probably make you uncomfortable by how tiny I was. And then there were times where i was wearing plus size clothes and hardly able to button up my size 13 jeans. Nothing is ever as simple as someone is fat, skinny, beautiful, or not. People aren't meant to be flawless or perfect, if we were the entire human race would be walking around in all of their photoshopped looking glory. So, knowing that, what makes it okay to judge someone when you yourself isn't perfect either?
It's not just judgments people make about looks either, it's everything. For anything that you do there is a gaggle of people standing in line waiting to make you feel bad about it. You want to write a book, okay well here are ten people waiting to tell you that it's never going to happen. You want to follow your dreams, well here is a group to let you know that your dreams aren't as good as theirs. You want to fall in love and get married to someone of the same sex, nope, don't even think about it because there's a mob waiting for you the second that you try. You see what I'm saying? No matter what it is, there are people around waiting to make their move.
My point is this, it's never okay to bring someone down. It just isn't. I may not agree with everyones opinions but I've learned over the years that being mean doesn't get you anywhere and it doesn't make you feel anything but guilt later down the line. Try respect instead of meanness. Try empathy instead of judgment. Because you never know just how badly you are hurting someone by the words you say. I realize that this is just a silly blog post, but what better way to make a stand than to spread the word?
Just because there are people that are around waiting for you to fall doesn't mean you will. I wish there was a way for me to convince everyone of this. There will always be an asshole spewing mean and terrible things your way but just remember that they do not define you, they don't make you, it's your life and you make it what you want. You want to follow your dreams, do it. You want to marry someone that other people don't agree on, say fuck it and follow your heart. You want to write a book about a freaking toaster falling in love with a human, do it dude because it's your life, not theres. I don't want anyone to read this post and feel discouraged because the reality is that there are mean awful terrible people around, I want people to read this and think, well maybe I should just say fuck it and live life happy instead of insecure.
I'm not perfect. I'm insecure a lot of times, but I make the effort to change that for me, my husband, and my kids. And you should too. If people are getting you down, take back the control that they are taking from you and just live. Easier said than done, I know, but if you try, it makes all the difference in the world.
So, let's change things, or at least try to. Be nice to others. Don't make other's feel bad about themselves over silly things like looks or their clothes. Don't make others feel bad in general. If at least one person just made the effort to make someones day instead of bringing them down, things could be a lot better.
Now if you're reading this, I'm going to give you a homework assignment. I know, I'm so mean, homework on a Friday. (I make myself laugh, ignore me)
Here is your assignment:
Go out and make someone smile, even if it's just a little one, because that smile could save someone.
And if you do, and you feel comfortable telling me about it, do it, because I would love to see people making a difference.
I started thinking about this because I've noticed a lot of judgements coming from fellow mom's lately. I don't go out a lot and I don't have a ton of friends to hang out with believe me when i say, any time I do leave the house I have someone staring or making some sort of a comment. It's strange really because the comment that's said to me the most is "I know those twins aren't yours. You're too damn skinny to have kids that big." I don't know if they mean it as a compliment or a judgment but I've literally had to practically argue with one woman to prove that my twins came from me. Yes, those 23 lb twins are in fact mine, I birthed them, naturally with no meds mind you, and yes they are big but they are healthy, thank you very much. What's the big deal? Why does it seem like no matter what you look like, what your kids look like, what you do, say, think, someone is always there to push you down? I get it, there are much worse things in the world than to be called skinny, but that's not the point, that's not what bothers me. It's the fact that there are a line of people waiting to nit pick because I don't look the way they expect me to look or that my kids are chunky when they think they should be smaller. Why the hell is it even like that? Shouldn't we, as human beings, stick together instead of tearing each other down? In a perfect world it would be that way but I guess nothing is ever perfect.
It drives me crazy because honestly, we're all adults so there's no point for pettiness. There's one person specifically that I've encountered that has made me feel terrible for being thin like it's morally wrong or something. And not only that, but have made countless amounts of comments about my twins being the same weight as her three year old. Here's the thing, nothing is as it seems on the outside. For every person you see, and every flaw you point out, there's a back story about a mile long on the topic. Take me for example, I'm skinny now, but did you know right before I got pregnant with my twins, I had just lost 60 lbs? That's right. I had struggled with my weight on and off for a while because the medications I was on. And, when I was a kid I was stick thin, I have a super fast metabolism, but that wasn't always awesome either because I didn't always look healthy. I could show you pictures that would probably make you uncomfortable by how tiny I was. And then there were times where i was wearing plus size clothes and hardly able to button up my size 13 jeans. Nothing is ever as simple as someone is fat, skinny, beautiful, or not. People aren't meant to be flawless or perfect, if we were the entire human race would be walking around in all of their photoshopped looking glory. So, knowing that, what makes it okay to judge someone when you yourself isn't perfect either?
It's not just judgments people make about looks either, it's everything. For anything that you do there is a gaggle of people standing in line waiting to make you feel bad about it. You want to write a book, okay well here are ten people waiting to tell you that it's never going to happen. You want to follow your dreams, well here is a group to let you know that your dreams aren't as good as theirs. You want to fall in love and get married to someone of the same sex, nope, don't even think about it because there's a mob waiting for you the second that you try. You see what I'm saying? No matter what it is, there are people around waiting to make their move.
My point is this, it's never okay to bring someone down. It just isn't. I may not agree with everyones opinions but I've learned over the years that being mean doesn't get you anywhere and it doesn't make you feel anything but guilt later down the line. Try respect instead of meanness. Try empathy instead of judgment. Because you never know just how badly you are hurting someone by the words you say. I realize that this is just a silly blog post, but what better way to make a stand than to spread the word?
Just because there are people that are around waiting for you to fall doesn't mean you will. I wish there was a way for me to convince everyone of this. There will always be an asshole spewing mean and terrible things your way but just remember that they do not define you, they don't make you, it's your life and you make it what you want. You want to follow your dreams, do it. You want to marry someone that other people don't agree on, say fuck it and follow your heart. You want to write a book about a freaking toaster falling in love with a human, do it dude because it's your life, not theres. I don't want anyone to read this post and feel discouraged because the reality is that there are mean awful terrible people around, I want people to read this and think, well maybe I should just say fuck it and live life happy instead of insecure.
I'm not perfect. I'm insecure a lot of times, but I make the effort to change that for me, my husband, and my kids. And you should too. If people are getting you down, take back the control that they are taking from you and just live. Easier said than done, I know, but if you try, it makes all the difference in the world.
So, let's change things, or at least try to. Be nice to others. Don't make other's feel bad about themselves over silly things like looks or their clothes. Don't make others feel bad in general. If at least one person just made the effort to make someones day instead of bringing them down, things could be a lot better.
Now if you're reading this, I'm going to give you a homework assignment. I know, I'm so mean, homework on a Friday. (I make myself laugh, ignore me)
Here is your assignment:
Go out and make someone smile, even if it's just a little one, because that smile could save someone.
And if you do, and you feel comfortable telling me about it, do it, because I would love to see people making a difference.